


The Memories That Lie Within

by merryholidays



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryholidays/pseuds/merryholidays
Kudos: 5





	The Memories That Lie Within

_'Joel, get up... Joel fucking get up.'_

She shot up in bed, struggling to catch her breath, clutching her chest. 

It was one of those nights. She looked around the room, she was in his house, Dina sleeping next to her and JJ in his room... she was ok.

Ellie pushed herself out of bed, slowly opening the door trying not to wake Dina. Walking to the bathroom and listening to the floor creek beneath her feet

She stood in front of the mirror... Not even wanting to look in it. 

Her mind raced with all the "what ifs" and things she could've done differently. Thoughts of how cold she was towards him, how she wished she could make up for it.

_'I'm going to invite Joel over to watch a movie.'_

She slammed her fist into the sink... The silence almost taunting her. It hurt so much to even think of him, to think of how she'd treated him, all the things she couldn't take back.

_'Don't you fucking touch me.'_

All the selfish things she'd done, all the words spoken and thrown into the void.

_'I don't think I can ever forgive you for that...'_

But she had, she had forgiven him long ago but who was to say when. Maybe when JJ was born, when she'd found a new purpose in life.

_'No matter what... You keep finding something to fight for.'_

Or when they'd first moved into the farmhouse and she realized there was more to life than death, when her and Dina would dance in the middle of their kitchen late at night, the moon being their spotlight.

_'Tommy and Joel didn't show up!'_

Or maybe... Maybe she forgave him when it was too late, as she watched him take his final breath.

_'If, somehow, the lord gave me a second chance at that moment...'_

And if you asked her?

_'I would do it all over again.'_

It was when she realized that although she'd been so mean, so cold to him... He still cared, and he cared more than anyone ever had. 

Even then, Ellie still asked herself, would he be proud of the person she'd become, the things she'd done.

_'We have a family now, she doesn't get to be more important than that.'_

The choices she's made. She looked down at her hands, her vision blurry with tears. 

She'd sacrificed her family, the love of her life, her sanity, her life, and for what?

_'What a joke.'_

In his name? For him? To avenge him only for him to still save her at the end? 

Even in death he managed to guide her, so what was she to do without him? God, it'd been years and she still woke up in cold sweats, dreaming of him in an ideal world where he'd still be there, next to her, giving her the advice she so desperately needed.

_'Oh baby girl...'_

She needed him more than ever on nights like these, nights where all she could do was sit on the edge of her bathtub as a puddle of tears formed on the floor, the only thing breaking the silence being her struggling to breathe properly, sobbing, shaking.

Nights like this that made her question if it was worth it anymore or if she'd be better off gone.

"You're ok babe." Dinas soft voice broke those thoughts, her gentle touch, rubbing Ellie's back as she pressed her head to her stomach, staring at the floor as she cried.

Dina knelt down in front of Ellie, bringing her head up so their eyes met as she wiped her cheeks, "I got you, Ellie." She stood up and pulled Ellie into a hug.

"I don't want to lose you." Ellie whispered through broken breathes.

"You won't, I swear."

_'I don't think I can ever forgive you for that... But I'd like to try.'_


End file.
